Self-love and abundance both have similar vibes. People who genuinely love themselves open all channels to attract abundance. Abundance is not something that can be achieved or willed into existence, it needs to be allowed to flow into your life.
Sure, some people manage to amass a lot of money through hard work, inheritance or even winning the lotto. However, this is not how I would define abundance. Yes, abundance can have monetary value to it, but I think it’s not restricted to just money, it’s much more than that. Abundance in all areas of your life refers to your whole being, body, mind and soul.
Abundance Versus Lack and Scarcity
The concept of abundance is very much the opposite of our current societal energies of lack, scarcity, emptiness, loneliness and dissatisfaction. Our current societal energies are accurately reflected in advertising. I’m usually annoyed but also amazed when I watch ads on TV or social media. Most ads thrive on the opposite of abundance, they tell you to indulge with chocolate for example or to buy the latest car, ‘because you just want one’ (this is from a Volkswagen ad). These types of suggestions have an enormous influence on how we feel. The message (apart from buying their product obviously) creep into your psyche and make you feel that it’s okay to console yourself with food (‘Did someone say KFC’ for example) when stuff goes wrong. Appealing, I know, but this won’t solve any problems. In fact, it will just help to push unwanted emotions down and suppress them. Suppressed emotions fester and can create physical ailments over time.
Not only do ads play into our thinking about consoling ourselves, they also remind us of the lack that we are experiencing. Again, the aim is obviously to get us to buy their products, but the damage that the lack and scarcity mindset creates is far reaching. It robs us from experiencing abundance, joy, happiness and contentment. All these elements are important to our ability to love ourselves.
The Self-Love Thingy
It’s very important to understand the self-love is not self-care, although self-care can be a part of self-love. Self-love should also not be confused with self-indulgence, which is one of the main angles in advertising. Don’t get me wrong, I like a little self-indulgence from time to time, but the key is to realise why we’re doing this. Is it because we feel bad about ourselves, or is it because we enjoy life and it becomes a natural part of this enjoyment without being hung up on it?
Can you skip the chocolate, the manicure, the new top or pair of shoes without feeling deprived? If we buy into the scarcity mindset, then we will never have enough and if our motivation to indulge comes from this mindset or other deep-seated insecurities we will fall for consoling ourselves with stuff instead of addressing the unresolved emotions within us. Every time we do this, we move away from abundance and self-love.
Self-love means to respect and accept yourself just as you are. Of course, accepting yourself as you are doesn’t mean it has to be to the exclusion of personal growth. There may be areas that you would like to improve. It’s not so much that you can’t better yourself, learn new skills, even improve your appearance, it’s again the motivation why you want this in the first place. Does it come from a place of insecurity or dissatisfaction or does it come from a loving place?
Imagine looking at a small child. Chances are that you find it easy to love that small child. At the same time, you would want the best for it, including developing its skills and helping it to get better by encouraging it. Now, imagine yourself as this small child and treat it in the same loving and encouraging manner.
The Relationship with Yourself is the Only One that Never End
Loving yourself is a skill that can be learnt. It’s worthwhile doing this since you will be with yourself forever. Incidentally, we learn how to be with others and as such with ourselves by imitating our parents or caregivers who learnt this from their parents who learnt it in turn from their parents and so on. There’s usually some flaw within this chain of imitating what others do. Just because your parents leant their behaviour from their parents (and they were also influenced by societal norms), there’s no guarantee that they were the best role model.
Likely, your parents did the best they could with the resources they had to their disposal. In addition, how to love yourself is not part of the school curriculum either. It should be, just saying … However, until then, it’s up to you to brush up on your skills. There’s nothing embarrassing or bad about it. We just get so entangled in our own preconceptions and prejudices that we develop resistance to even entertaining the idea. If you think it’s a good idea to shut your internal door into your own face and refuse to deal with yourself, you’re just setting yourself up for remaining in a loveless relationship with yourself.
Many of us put up with loveless relationships with our spouses, but a lot of us don’t and quite rightly so. No, you shouldn’t put up with loveless relationships, but you should also be aware how your relationship with yourself contributes to your relationships with your spouse and other loved ones. Whatever is not resolved within your own relationship with yourself will influence negatively how you relate to others.
When I was younger, I was so screwed up. I certainly didn’t know how to love myself. I was in a very painful place since I had to put up with myself 24/7 with no reprieve. I was a master in beating myself up for everything and anything. On top of this I was also very good at finding excuses, blaming others and being negative.
Yet, I tried so hard to live up to my own expectations and the ones that I thought others asked of me. Having children made everything worse, because now I also had the responsibility to raise my precious children so they could become kind and loving adults. The internal battle that I was fighting every day with myself was exhausting, and this was on top of being a young mum, building a career and moving to another country.
I feel blessed that I was able to get myself out of my own misery and this is one of the reasons why I’m so passionate about learning and teaching self-love skills. Without those skills I would be extremely unhappy. I admit, I’m still practicing and learning to improve my self-love for myself, there’s always room for improvement. I truly believe though that I have become better company not only to myself but to others too, because I had the courage and commitment to do something about my low self-esteem. And if I can do it, so can you.
Self-Love is the foundation – Abundance is the Icing on the Cake
Once we become better at loving ourselves, we tend to be more relaxed. We also tend to respond to challenges rather than react to them. This alone makes a much more tranquil life. A life, where things just flow, where we can trust that everything is going to be okay. When we realise that we are the rock for ourselves and that we don’t have to look for something outside ourselves to make us feel better. This is when abundance can reach us and enter our lives again. I’m saying again, because when we are small children, we did not have a problem with either self-love or abundance.
We were just naturally ourselves unimpressed (yet) by outside influences. We can learn a lot from small children. Their purity and innocence are amazing. They haven’t yet learnt to pretend to be someone they’re not. They are the perfect teachers for abundance. To them, abundance could mean that they have some buttons to play with, even though the buttons would not have a monetary value. I remember playing with my grandma’s button collection for hours. There were so many of them in different shapes and colours. I was fascinated by them.
Unfortunately, before too long, children learn (from us) that they can’t have it all, that resources are limited, that they only get ice-cream when they behave etc. That they should share the red bucket and that they can’t go on every ride at the Royal Easter Show. I’m not saying to let your kids run rampage, this is just an illustration how the scarcity mindset sneaks its way into our children’s minds. This means that as adults we must unlearn some of the most damaging messages from our childhood with regards to abundance.
Nature is abundant, we are part of nature, we can allow abundance into our lives. It’s a lot easier to trust when we are relaxed with ourselves. If we learn to focus on the positive, we attract more of the positive. If we stay focused on the negative, we get more of that. Choose the positive. Keep repeating positive thoughts in your head. Try one of Louise Hay’s affirmations: ‘I’m unlimited in my wealth. All areas of my life are abundant and fulfilling.’
Happy loving and attracting,